restoration

The Midas touch, maybe.

by

This place has moments that should be considered magic, except that they seem to happen frequently. Does that make them less magic being common?

They’re not identical in their magic-ness, but do tend toward similarity over the decades of years I’ve been coming here. if asked to remember a specific moment in a specific year I would hesitate. Shown a photo of that moment I could say with authority “that happened, 100%, final answer.”

Take this sunset. Maybe five total minutes of rose gold light filling the sky over a lake I’ve stared at for a thousand hours in my life. Odds are I’ve seen something like this fifty times before. God willing, I’ll see a few more. Still magic? I vote yes.

It could be that I need magic right now thus it appears. I’m willing to accept a universe that acts that way, though I would have questions. Maybe I’m simply opening the door in case magic chooses to stop by and say hello. Again, cool. It’s also possibly that magic simply lives here and waits patiently for me to notice.

My training tells me this is actually the answer. In that case, I’m glad I was here for it.


There is no greater weakness than stubbornness. If you cannot yield, if you cannot learn that there must be compromise in life—you lose.

Maxwell Maltz

Too windy to go boating?

by

Someone close to my family committed suicide Saturday morning. I don’t know how to process this fact.

We were close a long time ago. We haven’t spoken in a decade or more. He was an implicit constant in my life—I simply didn’t think about him. Now he’s an explicit and permanent constant—forever etched into the stream of moments and memories.

So here I sit in a place I hold most sacred, surrounded by the clan that I hold most dear, and I keep glitching out because I don’t know how to process this fact.

Fuck you.

That’s what you get from me today.

Fuck you for staining these things.

How can I even consider starting to heal when I don’t know the damage yet. The blast is still forming and the shrapnel has not taken flight.

Someday I’ll get through all the serenity and understanding forgiveness and restoration that comes from time.

But not today.

Fuck You.

Me