aging

Blueberries are now delicious.

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I started this post during vacation but it was abandoned. It remains relevant.

I’m don’t do spontaneous well. it’s not software that runs natively in my brain. I can do change, but that happens differently. It’s usually either a planned event (I will try this new thing), or incorporating something that was out of my control that ends up being more ok than I expected.

Occasionally I reinstall spontaneous to see what happens. On the drive to the cabin we stopped at the roadside produce stand like you do. I went to the gas station to buy candy. Amanda got fresh blueberries which I remember not liking from tasting them sometime between 12 and 20 years ago, so a reliable memory.

She spent the next 50 miles enjoying her blueberries like someone who has a secret and doesn’t actually care whether you know it or not. The blueberries did their part, looking delicious in my periphery; their excellent blueness highlighted by occasional sunlight.

In hindsight, I didn’t have a chance. The candy was mediocre, the drive was predictably lovely, and the blueberries… were really good. I ate half.

(Photo by Amanda)

I’m going to be spontaneous in an hour.

Amanda

I listen to Don Henley radio now.

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Aging is weird. It seems like yesterday every part of me was elastic, flexible, resilient. Now getting out of bed wrong can be a day limiting event.

I’m mostly ok with it. It mostly has more rewards than drawbacks. And truthfully, the gestation period for aging is long enough for me to come to terms with any particular change as long as I do the daily work of processing.

But some days the processing includes all the stages of grief but particularly denial. That and bargaining. I bargain a lot with my aging.

So when I open Spotify on any random day and find myself listening to Phil Collins, Glenn Frey, Genesis, Toto — the “Don Henley Radio” mix — I try not to think about it as the loss of my musical elasticity, of which I have some but much less than I did.

I chalk it up to acceptance of aging. And I am content.